I am so way over my head.
It was one week ago tonight, at around 2AM as I recall, that I awoke out of a sound sleep and sat straight up in bed, in a sweat. And yes, it was 90 degrees in my little Haitian bedroom but my sweating that night, I'm pretty sure, was borne of fear. No, that's not it either. Overwhelmed-ness... yes that's it. Overwhelmed-ness.
What in the world am I doing, trapse-ing around down here, stirring up the pot of my life, when I could be back home with my family and dog? And what have I done, committing myself to a project where, if God doesn't show, I'll fall flat on my face? And why so many things, for crying out loud? Why agree to speak all over the place, and take on so much in Haiti and start this nonprofit and lead these two upcoming teams and sit on my church board and, and, and. Oh, yes, I almost forgot... and keep up my busy family practice?
Some might say I'm driven. Guilty as charged. To a fault, I suppose. But the way I figure it, I've got one go around in my life and I want it to count. And if I go down in flames a few times along the way, oh well. It reminds me of the the verse, "To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me." Driven? I think so.
I must write more. It's cathartic. A good discipline for me. Richard Foster, in his book, Celebration of Discipline, makes a good case that God extends His grace to us in and through the disciplines of our faith. And I must say, I think God speaks to me as I grapple with truth and wrestle with syntax.
Blogging, for me, is less talking to you (whoever "you" are) so much as talking to myself. Usually I start out typing not knowing what will come out. That's why I never title my blog until after it's written.
Things are falling into place in Haiti:
The xray machine has been safely delivered to the hospital and will be installed by a biomedical engineer the week of October 25th. We are bringing down an xray technician to then inservice the hospital staff on its use.
We currently are awaiting delivery and customs clearance of all the cookware, burners, and tableware to the school where we will be feeding kids this school year. We finalized some details last week while I was there. Small, but important things like storage rooms, security. We ran through a mock run-through, envisioning where the kids will line up for their food, where they'll sit when they eat, and how each kid will wash their own dishes after they're done eating. We want the first day to go as well as possible.